i hate titles they are redundant who reads titles this is not a news story.

i have this suffocating feeling somewhere in between my chest and my throat. and i know it is not the air's fault. it is me. and also my inability to digest the whirl of feelings and vibes around me. i wonder if people feel the same way?

i'm kinda glad that not many people know of this space, although it would be nice if i had someone as weird as i am to speak to. then again i guess i'm here typing and talking to someone as weird as me, so.

lately i've just been keeping myself busy with things that would naturally make me feel good. like yoga, books, dramas, assignments, meeting new people and then not meeting people.. (why do i feel like i'm going through some teenage phase when i am 23) this is slightly worrying. how on earth am i still so unsure of myself and what i want at this age? actually, this is frightening.

anyway, i'm just going to talk about my dreams because they seem a little bit darker than my 'real life' and i'd like to think that life is beautiful. ahem.

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on a bed, realised that i'm not in my own bed (which is already extremely scary), i sat up and felt a sharp pain (or made myself think i felt a sharp pain) in my chest-boob-area. i looked down and saw that i had two rather huge nunganungas aka boobies (my boobs are tiny irl). so first thing i thought was "fuck did i get breast implants??!!". next thing i know i'm standing in a public bathroom, naked, staring at my newly huge boobs and crying. never hated myself that much.


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my friends and i were at a roadtrip/staycation thing i can't remember but everyone was there and we had to stay in a house together for a few nights. they were all acting really weird, the girls were always together and leaving me out of conversations and things.. i didn't really mind until they almost went out altogether and left me alone in the house. I got pissed and screamed at them, and they explained that they didn't know how to tell me this... but i had a huge cut on my nose and it scared them. i felt weird nasal-y sensations after that. checked the mirror and found my nose gone. i was asian voldemort. i thought someone must have drugged me and hacked my face with a hammer or something whilst i was asleep. didnt mind it so much (never really liked my nose), even though my friends were crying, for some reason. i must have really scared them.

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what is up with me?